Friday, September 15, 2006

in the name of God

Parental Advisory - another long post - sorry when you have stuff to say it happens!

this is going to be fun
for anybody who knows me it will not be difficult to work out what i am talking about ... for the purposes of discussion (and the fact that despite my desire for open honest debate, even i begrudgingly accept that it is unfair to actually name names) it will be necessary for me to avoid saying who and what i am talking about ... If at this point you are losing the will to live please click on next blog and walk on by.

firstly a bit of background stuff
i joined a Board of a christian charity
The Chair of of this charity and I worked quite happily together
at one point they did something that i felt was a little bit dodgy and mildy questioned it
it was ignored and it began to look as if this person felt themselves beyond accountability
so i tentativly discussed the issue with two other Board members
we all struggled with how to proceeed

later the relationship between Chair & I began to flounder and Chair stated stuff about me that was untrue and i challenged them in an email as to their own recent behaviour
This resulted in Chair being outraged that i would say such things and the Board berating me for such terrible behaviour ... they have never acocunted for their behaviour and now act as if they are a dictator and their word is law and not to be challenged

i retreated and carried on with my duties
relationship between Chair and I became terrible
at one point Chair lied to my face about something i knew they had done
(a line you don't cross with me - never lie to me unless you have finished with my friendship)

so ... after much politics and skullduggery ... latest thing is chum of Chair makes claim that i have fiddled expenses ... have met neautral member of board and discussed and agreed there is nothing dishonest going on and they were accounting errors (nothing to do with me i don't do sums)

Chair & Board now using this issue to meet and discuss 'problems' (where i suspect 'problems = me) ... a meeting i am not allowed to be present at ... well that's fair i must say :) ... has been said that proposal will be placed before Board that Chair or myself need to step down ... vote will go against me by one

so end of relationship with charity- c'est la vie

and some of this stuff intrigues the hell out of me ... particularly in the area of human behaviour
for a long time now i have felt that Chair was quite happy when we were all a group working together and having a laugh, being creative, stuff that made Chair feel good about themselves ... once we fell out they were revealed to have little creativity, be quite old fashioned in their outlook and be quite weak in their role ... not something i have said to them you understand just my observations)

when a group of people struggle to resolve something it is much easier for them to use authority and power to remove the problem rather than face any truth and make proper changes and deal with hard stuff

there is a kind of thin line between love and hate thing going on here as well ... once we switch sides we lose the ability to see what it was that we liked about a persons abilities or qualities ... thats sad ... when all we see is the ugly side of people and their behaviour it throws their good stuff into the shadows and we struggle to see it ... if you don't see it you forget what the whole person is about.

as for me ... oh there have been moments when i have probably behaved appalingly ... i always succumb to the red mist when i see or hear injustice ... make me responsible for something i am passionate about then mess with it and i fight back like a cornered rat ... ok not the best analogy when trying to appear spiritual but this is truth ... the thing is you may not like me, may not approve of my language or style ... but you knew that about me ... i have never compromised or pretended i am something i am not ... what you see is what you get ... and for all my bad qualities consistency and blunt honesty are adhered to ... maybe you should of thought about that before you engaged with me

at the risk of appearing childish ... i didn't start this ... what often gets lost in these situations is the fact that (like a child being punished for a wrongdoing) you can huff and puff all you like and be outraged that someone would say such things but if you hadn't be decietful/lied/done wrong right back at the start we wouldn't be in this place, having this discussion

amazing how some adults never grow up ... never learn that lesson

i was asked yesterday if this thing i do with this organisation had become too important to me ... i honestly don't think so ... i hold these things lightly ... for instance i make a point of referring to myself as the current leader of holy joes ... not the leader ... partly to remind myself that i am appointed by the group and have no right to the position

equally if i am to leave this place and move on ... well it needs to be decided if i take it back to the membership who after all voted us into these positions in the first place ... or walk away and let them be whatever they will be under this persons leadership

the thing is i don't want the position of Chair, never have and never will ... but i believe in the worth of the organisation and i don't go away with my tale between my legs ... countering that view is my friends point of view that this organisation no longer deserve me ... walk away

nothing makes the bile rise quicker than when things are done in the name of God, when we are prayerfully considering, when we are seeking God's will ... when the truth is you are stabbing people in the back and playing politics ... WWJD ?

would Jesus turn over tables and punch their lights out (NSV - New Steve Version)
or would he fast and prayerfully consider

mostly i go with the sound advice from a friend many years ago
God will get them ... not my problem

hmmm ... ponder .... debate ... discuss ... pray ... throw dice ... muse ... mutter


Kathryn said...

You know I was wittering about that CD the other day? I remember your suggestion to me (in a less hideous situation than this one) that track 6 "Walk away" was a good theme song,though it maybe isn't a very steve thing to do. The situation sounds thoroughly wretched,- the sort of c*** you just don't need at any point in your life, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.

On another tack, your words re the "thin line between love and hate .. when all we see is the ugly side of people and their behaviour it throws their good stuff into the shadows and we struggle to see it ..." really struck home. I'd thank you for the wake up, if I weren't so alarmed by its implications. Aargh

Michael Radcliffe said...

"Power corrupts." as someone once said. Apparently.

I've yet to meet someone in a position of power who got there, enjoys being there, and retained just one shred of altruism.

Sad generalisation, but, in my experience, sadly true.

I know this doesn't really help, but I don't know what's worse - the fact that this has happened, or the fact that things like that no longer surprise me when they do happen.

Call it and expose it is your only remaining strategy open to you, I would suggest, but the only problem is that there would be no going back. At which point, I guess you have to ask if you want to remain in the role that much anymore.

Your call.